Do you consider yourself a social or non-social person?? Al’s post on socializing had me thinking and a comment the cowboy made several days ago was in the same theme—so here goes.
Michael was reading an article which inferred people working solitary jobs were less social—“maybe that’s why I’m not social. I operated heavy equipment—solitary, I cowboy-ed, solitary, I operated haying equipment, solitary.” Michael was also an only child.
When we are “camped” in an area among friends and are socializing frequently the cowboy begins to get antsy. He doesn’t mind the occasional outing but when we are going to happy hour or dinner every night he begins to want alone time.
I on the other hand had two siblings and had a work life which included lots and lots of people—even in the smallest hospitals. In Montana we are fairly isolated living 22 miles from town and I will sometimes say, “I need a people fix, I am going to town,” although my people contact has greatly increased since the yoga group was formed. Michael on the other hand could stay at home for weeks on end.
Neither of us likes large gatherings, concerts, rallies, etc. On this we are usually in total agreement except I sure would like to attend the Escapade in Tucson as it is probably the only time I will ever be this close to one again!
So, we compromise. As I enjoy the company of my spouse immensely it is easy for me to compromise yet I also enjoy our friends and family. Michael throws up a “red flag” when he feels there are too many outings, I slow down the calendar or go alone. I’m sincerely grateful the cowboy likes to travel and he likes to RV.
Check out Nina’s excellent post on solitude and alone time--this coming from someone who revels in lighthouse hosting and socializing—but still craves her solitary space.
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So interesting to read about your dynamics with socializing. I think the whole socializing need is a mix of what personality you're born with and what you "learn" along the way...like just about every human trait. It's perfect when you're able to find your balance with someone else, even if they're a different type.
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sounds like the two of you have found that perfect balance! quiet time is good as is social time! everything in moderation!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Michael. I can only take just so much of socializing and then I need to withdraw into my shell and recover. And I'm finding that I like my shell more and more. Jim is a good socializer but understands my need to be alone with just him.
ReplyDeleteI'm very fortunate over here at the Bayfield Bunch because Kelly & I are on the same page when it comes to the whole socializing thing. Kelly is basically a loner as well & it was one of the main things that attracted us to each other. Although we came along different paths from opposite ways we both knew the direction we wanted to go when we met & our journey has stayed the course & remained smooth ever since. Neither one of us are big people-people & not being into the social scene has worked well for us. I sure can identify with Mike on all fronts & especially about being content to stay home without seeing anyone for long periods of time. Love it:)).
ReplyDeleteThat's interesting about solitary jobs lead to solitary type people. We were both in education so we were far from solitary in our careers. But we certainly are solitary people outside there and still in retirement. We enjoy meeting people as we travel (especially our blog friends) and love the occasional Happy Hour but really enjoy our alone time the most and doing activities with just the two of us. I guess that is one of the main reasons we never joined RVillage. Good that you and the Cowboy were able to work things to make you both happy:)
ReplyDeleteI had two siblings, dad was a teacher/coach so grew up socializing. All my jobs had lots of people involved....but Ive always been a loner. I love being a loner although I do like on occasion to meet with friends. When you have time to read, a book named "A Party of One, the Loners Manifesto" by Anneli Rufus explains a lot. She was not married to a loner, great book.
ReplyDeleteYears ago when I was on straight afternoons, working in a building by myself, folks would ask if I got "lonely", to which I would reply that I enjoyed my solitude. And I did. I could probably go a long time without needing to interact with another person. Of course, now there's the Book of Face, so there's still the novelty of peering into the lives of others. You don't have to sit down over coffee with a photo album to see their pictures. (or smell their perfume or BO or what have you.)
ReplyDeleteAnd then wait uncomfortably for that moment when they decide to leave. So I guess I'm a bit of a 'loner'?
Although we do enjoy socializing, we also enjoy alone time. There is no pattern to that, for us.
ReplyDeleteI grew up on a farm/ranch in the middle of nowhere and learned how to entertain myself so I am comfortable with being alone. I also love to share my experiences with my best friend and companion, Jim. That being said...I tend not to socialize much outside of our nest. I do love the friends we have made and enjoy the moments that bring us together. However, a frequent dose would make me "antsy" too! We're off to the Yarnell Bakery...just us!
ReplyDeleteHey, wait, I want to go to the Yarnell Bakery!!! :))
DeleteI too was an only child, but was always with two or three friends. My job was hugely social, requiring that I interact with large groups of people. About 15 years ago I started spending some time alone, or with just my two boys, and realized how great that was! I found I enjoyed my own company and was never lonely. Now I much prefer just Bill and I, and he is the same way. We laugh when people tell us we'll be sick of each other in a month. We also encourage each other to "go do it" when there's something the other one doesn't care to do - and really mean it :-) Given the huge variety of socializing levels available on the road, we plan to try a few until we find the best combination for us. Good question Janna, and interesting that so many answers are similar.
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting post. I read somewhere that you could tell if you were introverted or extroverted by what you did when tired and needing energy. An introvert would find the need for solitude to rejuvenate, while the extrovert would go out seeking people. I found that to be true in our family. My husband and I are more introverted while we have an extreme extrovert for a son. I've even heard him say, "I don't feel very well. I think I'll go out with friends so I'll feel better".
ReplyDeleteCindy is more of a loner I, one the other hand, don't mind meeting new people. Cindy calls me her social butterfly.
ReplyDeleteI think it might be the other way around. I chose soil science and soil survey mapping as a career because the solitude appealed to me. I was the eldest in a foster family of usually 6 or more younger kids that I cared for. Solitude is a huge blessing. I'm the a bit more social one in our traveling pair, even though Mo was the high school teacher. Go figure. You will rarely find either of us sitting around in a big group for happy hour however. Interesting, Janna.
ReplyDeleteInteresting topic. I guess we are more social than not. Like meeting new folks and enjoy conversations on many varied topics.
ReplyDeleteWe enjoy occasional get togethers, and meetings new people, but mostly alone time works best for us., Sometimes we will go for months just the two of us then other times over the top, just want to run and hide.
ReplyDeleteSteve is the quiet one, but makes friends easily. Whenever we go somewhere, there is usually someone who recognizes him and starts up a conversation!
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